Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Food is my drug: my next journey.

Oh gosh. Would you read that title? Food is my drug? Well I'm not kidding. I love food just as much as the next guy. Unfortunately my run with food has had a halt at the beginning of the year. Sure I've endulged every now and then when the opportunity presented itself, but I sure have stopped from eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. You see, this year I had turned the dreaded....dun dun dun.... 30. And I'm sure any girl (or guy for that matter) can vouch for me when I say that a 30 year old's body definitely doesn't look or feel the same as a 20 year old's. But I wanted to make sure that THIS 30 year old was going to do something about that!!

Since my birthday is always tangled up in the Christmas holidays, I get all the goodies, dinners and drinks pilled up from the holiday parties RIGHT before my birthday. Who wants to diet during the holidays and miss all the wonderful, delicious, sweet tasting flavours of the season? (ugh I'm drooling) Well not me! While I was hoping that the food and drinks of the season were going to be the worst thing that I'd have to battle with, we got a phone call from my grandpa to tell us that my Nana is very ill and has been transported to the hospital with not much time left to live.

We all knew it was coming to this as she has been slipping deeper and deeper into her Alzheimer's and was at the point that she could no longer remember that she needed to eat. We were told by the hospital staff that she caught the flu, she was on pain medication so she would be in comfort and it was only a matter of a day or 2 before she would be passing away. Those holidays were rough, as us siblings went to the hospital every day during the day to sit by her bed and watch her, hoping that she wouldn't have to suffer any more. We would leave the hospital to go to my grandpa's and sit with him in the evenings so he didn't have to be alone. Afterwards I would go to my own home and grieve myself. And what made me feel better? Eating my feelings.

It wasn't easy grieving for her when she was still around. Grieving but still going to see her in the hospital. Also knowing it could be any moment that she was going to slip but she was lasting longer than expected. My mind was battling this concept. My Nana was a tough lady and she finally passed after 6 days in the hospital on Thursday December 27th 2012. 

Now onto comfort my grandpa. I went to see him everyday for the next 2 weeks to make sure he was ok. Of course he wasn't. He just lost the girl of his dreams whom he'd been with for 52 years. Sitting with him and consoling him helping him grieve, making sure he's not drinking alot of alcohol (hard hard task!), getting him to eat, getting him to shower and getting him to change his clothes. When I would come home at night from being with him, I was exhausted! Not only that, but I didn't  give myself a chance to grieve while I was with him, so when I got home it was my chance. And how would I do that? By crying, drinking alcohol and eating anything. Sigh....

Along comes my birthday. A day I have been waiting for.... Well,  for 30 years. I showed that I was happy on the outside but I was still so sad on the inside. My birthday came and went and I was still eating like crap, feeling like crap and missed my Nana like crazy. After a couple weeks of this, I couldn't stand it any longer. I took a look at what I was doing versus how I was feeling. Is there anything that I can do to change this feeling? I couldn't necessarily stop missing my Nana, but I knew I could try to stop feeling like crap if I tried. But how? Depression and anxiety started settling in my life and I had already battled these feelings before. I didn't want them back in my life again! I wasn't going to go on any medications again. I needed to take a good look at myself and see what I was putting in, that could affect what was coming out. Bad food= bad mood. Better food= better mood. Good food= good mood! Hey I think I'm onto something?!
I was already involved in a workout group that I meet up with 2 times a week in a boot camp type setting. Our training is based on conditioning and HIIT classes. These classes already helped me feel better but I needed more! You know when you want more, you just want more! :) I then began to start researching how to train myself in the gym properly. I found that by working out once a day, that my focus would curb my anxiety. Score! 

Putting my new found research to the test (clean eating and working out) and realizing its working, i decided that I was going to dedicate myself to this better living. 

Some times we need to hold ourselves responsible and I needed to do just that. I had taken control of those ugly feelings and replaced them with positive ones and more structured days where i'd schedule gym "meetings" with myself. I also decided to take progress pictures to see my dedication through the weeks. Then I got the guts to post my first "before" photo on my Instagram to take full responsibility in my new life style change. Here's a picture I started with on January 2nd. 

Now lets fast forward to now, August 8th, a whole 7 months later. There's been bumps in the road and trying to stay on track has been no easy task. Wedding planning, family drama and a busy job adds onto my days. I have 37 more days until I marry the love of my life and I'm gearing up to be in the best shape of my life! Now that I've said that, I'll keep myself accountable by updating here as well :)

Here's my first real progress pic after 2 months. I was feeling great and loving the changes! 

It's awesome when you start seeing your muscles form underneath the flab you're hiding!

Straight flexing:)